i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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