Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
