He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Less talking, more tequila
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
