God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
