my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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