How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
