I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
