You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
