He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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