areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
