her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I love you. Go after that dick
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize