Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i black out too much to be "responsible"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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