I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
