Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
