Me. At least after what I've been through.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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