i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We need to get me chipped asap
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
