broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
