Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
