help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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