Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
