I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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