just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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