Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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