Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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