There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
