Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize