i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
