He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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