i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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