Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
