so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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