drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Randomize
