I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
