Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
