All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
