I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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