glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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