Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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