i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
