2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
