aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
