You were right. It hurts to walk today.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You left your phone here
Wait...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize