I could have mohawked her pubes.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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