I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
