Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
