Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
