Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
