I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Come on in and take your pants off
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