If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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