I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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