i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize