dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
How's work?
Spinning.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
