I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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