Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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