why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
