Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
