yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Green mimosas i think yes
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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