im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
