he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
