I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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