Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
