Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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