when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
