Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
