the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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