did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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