already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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