Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
