She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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