you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
