I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
