Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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