oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
did i just pee glitter
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
