I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
